Well, that was weird.

Monday night, Daddy and I went to bed, as usual. I was wearing silky nightgown (though usually I sleep nude, I had been wearing it around the apartment so I didn't take off). Daddy told me to take it off and then to undress him. Then he had me go down on him. This is normal. He was talking about what it will be like when we finally find my sister, which is also normal. Occasionally, he interrupted me and pulled me up to snuggle for a bit, and then had me get back to work. That was kind of weird, but whatever. Then he decided to use my pussy, which was actually the second time that day, and that's unusual, but very, very welcome.¹ He had me on top, which I actually highly dislike, because it's hard work and I can't get as deep as I like when I'm on top, and I'm afraid that I'll hurt my partner because I like a lot of force, but I don't want to slam down that hard on the poor guy. Anyway, the rule is that I'm not allowed to orgasm without permission, and lately Daddy has taken to ordering to me to orgasm, even when I don't ask. Sometimes though, he orders me to cum and I'm not actually close. While I was on top of him, he ordered me to cum. I did the first time, but I was starting to lose my breath from the movement, and I really, really just wanted him to cum so we could go to sleep. He ordered me to cum again, and I didn't, so he repeated his order. And I just started sobbing. I couldn't cum. Daddy held me and comforted me and I was all right again. He had me roll over on my back so he could keep fucking me. This felt really good, but then, in what I can only assume was an attempt to comfort me, he was whispering in my ear "I love you [my real name]." Normally he calls me "pet" or "princess" or "Evie", but he rarely uses my real name, unless he's trying to make sure that I know he really means what he says. And for whatever reason, hearing him say my name over and over was really distracting/upsetting to me. I asked him to stop, and he said "but it's such a beautiful name for my beautiful girl." He was being incredibly kind, telling me how beautiful and wonderful and special I am, but I really just wanted him to stop saying my name. It was breaking me out of subspace, or something. I've tried to figure out if maybe it's because I associate my full name with being in trouble or something, but it's how I introduce myself to everyone, so I don't think that's it. Maybe it's because I very rarely use names in conversation, and I often find it jarring when someone uses my name in conversation, unless they're trying to get my attention or talking about me.
Eventually he decided to use my ass, and did that, but I was so tired partly just from being tired and partly from all the orgasms he'd ordered me to have, and it hurt, and he wasn't reaching orgasm, so he finally stopped. That made me feel bad, since I wanted to make him cum, but I know that sometimes it's just not possible for men, the same way it's sometimes not possible for women.
After, I had a really hard time falling asleep, I wound up taking a bath to relax. I think part of not being able to sleep was that I'd basically slept all day, since I had the day off.
I had Tuesday off too, so I wound up trying to figure out what the hell happened. I still have no idea.


1. I'm not on birth control for several reasons- I didn't like being on it, I have other medical issues that contra-indicate the use of hormonal birth control, and I have no insurance (though I could get it cheaply from Planned Parenthood). Thus, we have to use condoms, and that's slightly inconvenient, so Daddy prefers to use me in other ways.